Today my class and I had to write about a time where we were with our friends. Here is my activity.
Amihuti Recount Writing Term 4 22nd October 2020
During the Christmas holidays on a Saturday morning I was awakened by a glimmer of sunlight that shone through the darkness. I remember words muddled up in my head because of how tired I was, I walked around the house to see if anyone was awake and as usual no one was. I quickly did what I had to do and watched a little bit of TV and then had a little sleep.
After 2hours of sleep I woke up to my brother's voice. I was so tired, I got out of bed and had a nice warm pie(ignoring my brother's words) the words… ran around in my head for a little while after I finished eating. I had all my energy and went to ask my brother what he said he told me and I immediately told him yes so I packed my clothes and left.
Later On when we arrived at my friend's house they greeted me and let me in. I went to the living room and watched at least 3 or 4 scary movies and went to sleep again. I woke up and saw my friends playing on their x box one so I walked over to them, I watched them build an infinite building. 2 Long Hours passed by and they finally finished. I got to play but I didn't know how to build fancy buildings like them so I just played NBA. I was called to eat but I felt dizzy so I skipped and went to sleep.
I woke up feeling 90% better so my friends and I went to a nearby park and played for about 4 hours and went back to their house and each of us had a long shower. I finished changing and my cousin said to me “ hey do you want to go and play some you know games” I told him I feel tired but I could play for 1 hour or so. After playing games I went to the kitchen and ate some fried chicken and fries. I went to sleep because I still had at least 2 more weeks to sleep over.
THE END… not really(if you were wondering which room I slept in… I was really close to their nana so I would sleep in the spare bed in her room).
THE End.
Kia ora Amihuti
ReplyDeleteI did enjoy the first paragraph of this recount and the way you structured the words you chose to hook in the reader.
I was confused at the end by the final two lines and could not figure out how they supported this recount.
Mrs Burt
Manaiakalani
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMalo Mrs Burt,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the positive comment you wrote. I would like to thank you for alerting me about that last line. I understand that you are concerned but I need you to know that it was not my doing. I have fixed up the mistake, but I owe you for tip off.
Great edit Amihuti :) It all comes clear now. You are a true author, reviewing your writing and making edits to help your reader understand what you are saying.
ReplyDeleteWell done.
Malo Mrs Burt. I was thinking about this in my head for quiet some time and I was wondering if you could give me an example of how much work or how should I start improving my writing career? Noho mai and stay safe.
ReplyDelete